Research Paper Feedback
Feedback with Alexis | Monday 14th October 2024
Reduce word count with fewer quotes and cite references instead
Cut down definitions and go with my own definitions
Einfühlung idea is interesting, the artist immerses himself in the process but also extracts something from the subject
Clarify and shorten key terms
Discussion is part of the introduction
Introduction - write what I know about the subject and identify the gaps in the knowledge. Why the paper is important to me and maybe to others
Introduction is the main characters, what we do/don’t know and what I hope to get out of it
Methodology how I have conducted the research is also missing
Discussion what is kinship needs to be specifically relevant to this paper
Individual/collective kinship - be as cogent as possible, paraphrase and synthesise. Don’t just confirm a standpoint rather find something new
Contrary views - give it some friction, hindsight or weakness, scope for further research
Eco grief should be just a short sentence in the intro, no need to repeat the motif as it’s just background
Inequality of grief is repetitive
What is drawing section is good and thoughtful
How it relates to empathy takes too much space, which I need to leave for the discussion
Examine the artist’s methods, mechanics of how he approaches his relationship with his subject - drawing as listening. Drawing is a very personal thing. Objectivity whilst drawing allows subject to tell their story. Drawing takes away accountability of the person drawing, it is taken for what it is. Feel being used by the artist, there is a judgement but they have also agreed to participate. A contract has been entered into by both.
Protocol for ethics, you can draw whatever you want but you can’t take photographs
Conclusion is the limitations, we will never know what the connections are, we can only speculate, they are inferred rather than implied, which is a limitation of the research subject
Why has he done this - does it serve a purpose? Expression yes but does it have a wider social function?
Does this work fulfil the aims of the artist? It may not confirm to an external truth but does it fulfil what the artist seeks to achieve
Clearer determination - is this an artwork, is it a tool for conversation and discussion? His personal motivations but element of artwork and scope of the artwork. Art is responding to a brief and he has to commit. Reciprocal relationship between political and artistic functions, the technique and the methodologies. How it functions outside of the intimate encounter. Is it a successful artwork? Does it fulfil the goal.
Is the artwork a rhetorical device or does it have a deeper meaning and how are those things different?
Career structure, projects that further an artist’s career have a different dimension
Alithea - Greek for truth. A disclosure in the making of the artwork, context isn’t everything. Does he disclose a hidden truth? Is there a transformation? How is the subject transformed?
There are two phases in creation of art - the making phase and the contextualisation.
Transmogrification, where material quality is retained. Material is subservient to subject matter but it shines through and is almost metaphysical.
Tell a story in my writing, show causability and allow flow. Coherence gives a richness to the writing.