MA Interim Show | March 2024

Just a few days before the show and I feel the work is very nearly complete. I will be presenting six drawings on paper and two tiny, framed canvases. Below are some reflections before and after the show to capture my thinking and ideas as they occur to me. I don’t know what to expect at this point so it felt significant to make notes.

A summary of my work for the Interim show:

I have been experimenting with themes of grief and expressions of belonging and loss for some time in my work. Since the beginning of the MA I have been researching the idea of collective, anticipatory grief around worsening climate chaos and processes that speak of ruination and loss. The studio based experimentation has been much in the vein I have previously worked in although I feel my work had got a bit stuck in off-the-shelf landscape painting. Listening to Frank Auerbach’s Radio 4 interview has dislodged lots of limiting beliefs and I am embracing drawing on paper as a legitimate expression of contemporary ideas and developing traces as my central outlet. I am also evolving an attitude of compassionate stoicism, which seems to be providing stability during the turbulent stages of artistic growth.

My initial idea had been the long, 10 metre drawing, which I haphazardly began, forgot to document and then realised almost immediately was completely impracticable. The paper fell apart, it was too wet to work outside and I had no clue how to realistically get the thing to London and no understanding of options for hanging. I have bought another roll of paper and will try again but with more planning and thought before I begin. It will also be warmer weather coming and I may be able to do it in the forest.

I scaled back the ideas to something more workable. I had six sheets of robust watercolour paper in the studio and decided to use these instead. I have been drawing the landscape almost daily in the Drawing Room sessions and alone and I began to draw my garden, after Auerbach and notions of drawing what is in front of us. In February we have been taking down the hedges around the house and piling them up on the compost heap, which became far more interesting to me than the living landscape. The dead and discarded trees seemed beautiful and sad. I took photos and drew from the compost heap itself and from the photos in many layers, leading with erasure rather than creation. During the making of these drawings I have been thinking about personal responsibility around how I interact with nature and how much denial has a hold on us individually and collectively. Selective thinking, selective destruction, selective awareness.

The drawings are quiet meditations on a compost heap as a symbol of destruction, loss and responsibility. I am still mulling over how to present them and I am taking a risk in simply leaving it until I get there. I am considering using nails throughout the drawing, which speak to a sort of violence and passion in the Christian sense, creating imagery of thorny crowns and stigmata - quiet suffering in the anticipation of death. Christian imagery has cropped up in my work before; I have a poor understanding of this, as I am in no way religious but feel fascinated by Christian icons, iconoclasm and religious symbolism.

I will also be showing two tiny paintings, framed on canvas, in quiet refusal to work big or with non-traditional materials. Being contrary is not an aim of itself but rather it is a reluctance to be too swayed by current trends or shallow art school pleasing. They are titled Atmsopheres of Grief and they are derived from frottage drawings mined directly from the ancient Sarsen stones where I live. Auerbach talked in his interview about drawing and painting the things he knew so I am giving myself permission to work with the landscapes in which I live.

Six A1 Erasure Drawings on Watercolour paper using pencil, charcoal and pencil.

‘Atmospheres of Grief’ I-VI.

Compost heap photos from my garden while taking down hedges and trees and removing ivy from fences before nesting begins in March.

Frottage drawings, salt, bleach and sanding on canvas.

Atmospheres of Grief’ VII and VIII.

Initial observations on the work:

• I feel increasingly that my work is making sense: connections appear with much less effort and there is a thread of logical thinking

• The drawings are early attempts and fitting for an interim show. I expect (and very much hope!) the drawings get better over the coming year if I continue to draw daily

• I have not pushed the tension between erasure and creation enough. I am delighted by the ways in which erasure have come to the fore of drawing but there is much work to do until they become erasure drawings rather than just drawings

• The smaller works make the most sense to me. They are beautiful and sad and they speak very directly to me of belonging and loss. They aren’t indigo either so there is a world of opportunity ahead

Reflections after the show:

What was the best thing I did? Why was this the best thing I did? How do I know that this was the best thing I did?

I feel gratitude that I slammed the breaks on the 10 metre trace and went for something more practicable. I will continue the idea but it was premature and very clearly so. Ambitious though, which I like and I will endeavour to make progress on that trace for the remainder of the first year. The decision meant I was able to crystallise my ideas in a manageable way and put something into the show that represented my progress so far. I feel there was a degree to which my work could have had more impact in such a huge space but I think it stood on its own two feet given the early stage in my enquiry. I know this was the best thing I did because I have gained tremendous confidence from the work I showed. Had I submitted a half baked effort or rushed the work I would have struggled with a balanced conversation on where I am now, where I came from and where I am going.

What worked least well for me? Why did this not work well for me? What have I learned about the topic concerned from this not having worked well for me? What have I learned about myself from this not having worked well for me? What do I plan to do differently in future as a result of my answers to the above questions?

I feel the presentation of the work was the missing piece and the limitations on how we presented were part of the journey and I was very grateful for all the help I received. I wasn’t able to be there for putting up or taking down so the fact they went up and down at all was great. I do feel to take drawings to the next level I would have presented them rather more uniquely, which had been part of the original plan. I had wanted to nail the drawings to the wall along the drawn contours as part of the drawing and installation at once. It didn’t work out and that’s OK and leaves me plenty of ideas for next time. Next time I hope to:

• Present the work in a more unique way

• Expand upon the idea of nailing drawings to the wall is an exciting avenue for exploration. In some ways I am glad I have this as a whole new area to explore

• I still feel that I am including too much in my work and I could start to hone my skill and ideas into a more encapsulated idea. This will take time and I will need some percolating time, rest and distance before jumping into the next stage.

With hindsight, how would I go about this activity differently if doing it again from scratch? To what extent will this activity influence the way I tackle anything similar in future?

• I feel overall that the work was well executed, given that I had changed tack pretty dramatically from the 10 metre drawing. Future drawings will benefit from greater skill, improved self awareness around the content of the drawings themselves

• I am pleased I was relaxed and focussed about the whole thing. I would like to keep the pressure on to complete or at least attempt the long drawing once more.

What did I find the greatest challenge in doing this work? Why was this a challenge to me? To what extent do I feel I have met this challenge? What can I do to improve my performance when next meeting this particular sort of challenge?

• Much of the challenge has come in the gestation of drawing over the past two years within the context of my journey as an artist over two and a half decades. It has taken a long time to get to this point so it’s no small feat to have exhibited six drawings with comparatively little effort. The effort has been distributed over the past two and a half decades of false starts, missing drawing, starting again, giving up, drifting, coming back to it and having another go. Finally it has come together and I feel great satisfaction in having finally incorporated drawing into my regular practice of art making.

• Moving drawing and painting together is my ongoing aim and I look forward to bringing this learning into all aspects of my practice so that the practice feels less fragmented.

What was the most boring or tedious part of doing this particular task for me? Can I see the point of doing these things? If not, how could the activity be changed to be more stimulating and interesting for me?

• I didn’t find it boring or tedious at all. I feel wall to wall ambition and motivation to start all over again but with all the learning of this experience.