Admonition

My painting seems to be speeding along at break neck speed and I have worryingly lost all interest in paper making right at the final hurdle. I feel my painting is something between the Admonition Scroll, place, fungi and grief. They are sort of fungaspheres, fungascapes, not sure exactly. Boneyards definitely, compost heaps in themselves. All dipped in Chinese scroll painting and indigo dye.

Ideas for the final show are scrambled and I realised after our DCS chat this morning that I am probably still people pleasing, knowing that CSM doesn’t really want paintings on canvas so elaborate installations of tracing paper have been my way forward. They may still be, as I am genuinely interested in those things. But the painting. My beloved painting. The Admonition series are everything to me right now, dark and glowing, a bit eerie and difficult but full of hope. I can’t stop writing either, so there it is. A big, tangled mess right when things are supposed to be presented. Perhaps this is how things are supposed to be but the blasted 5 minute video is tripping me up and wasting my time - necessary and I am sure somehow useful - but really not what I want to be spending my time and energy on right now. I wish it were an essay and it would tumble out of its own accord. Hey ho.

Admonition Scroll - in DCS this morning we discussed contextualisation of colonial stories, bias, geographical histories and noisy people who won’t listen. So I will keep the Admonition Scroll to myself for now, in the knowledge that my quiet hours spent studying it and thinking about it, making it a boneyard and a network of history, place, self, loss and belonging all for me.